It’s been a while since I had a TPK

For those who don’t play tabletop, a TPK stands for Total Party Kill, also called a ‘wipe’ in online platforms. While a terrible moment in a campaign, it proves downright hilarious to me, and I can’t keep myself from laughing at how epically some of my characters buy it.

Of course, being a decent player, I don’t often get myself into these things (unless you catch me napping, or looking at that sweet looking booth babe across the hall. Even MGTOW1s like their eye candy.) but when I do, it’s usually because someone was being stupid.

Such is the case when I was on Roll20 last Friday. We were going through Lost Mine of Phandelver with some asshole Noble, who wanted to turn the Neverwinter Wood into his own personal kingdom with Phandalin as its capital. I’ve been doing what I usually do with PCs who act like douchbags, I have him—a human ranger, by the way—make a paper fan and repeatingly smack him with it. It became a running gag.

I’ll tell you what happened without giving too many spoilers. We made it all the way to Thundertree, and we made it to the tower in town. The idiot walked in like nothing would go wrong, and used his sleight of hand to crack open the front door.

Which is where the Green Dragon was looking out of.

The douchebag didn’t have time to close it: Everyone failed their CON saves2 (with me rolling a 1, which probably didn’t matter) and took 12d6 of fire and poison dragons, reducing the lot of us into tasty noms.

I had a good laugh out of it and so did the DM. You don’t often get into a TPK that made your day.

I tend to be more creative when I’m behind the screen: Last Wednesday, over at the Hero’s Hangout (Local Granite City comic and game shop that has Encounters on Wednesdays) we’re at the Castle Naerytar chapter of Hoard of the Dragon Queen. In that castle, I’ve set up an innocent enough pile of gold and gems just waiting for the party to mess with. I even put up a sign saying “No traps here” on top of it. I guess you can see where this is heading.

During the extended rest, one of the members tossed the corpse of one of the dead cultists I keep throwing at them onto that pile. That sprung the alarm. The next thing he knew, about 30-50 cultists and bullywugs sprang out of nowhere and hogtied his character, dragging him to Gods know where.

That’s when my psudeo-Permadeath mechanic comes into play: This unfortunate player needs to roll up a new character (at level 4, because I’m a nice guy) and help the others rescue the captured PC. If they do, and the player wants to return to the main PC, that PC gains all of the XP earned by the new character.

Permadeath mechanics, a possible future episode of “Confessions of a Bad DM”

But anyway, the other point I want to talk to you about is the addition of a little graphic over on your left. The one with the Patreon logo on it.

I always wanted to have a little tip jar for those who want to give me a little scratch for what I post here. I’m not asking for much, I’m not going to be like Anita Sarkeesian, and ask for more than $50,000 for a series of videos denigrating video games, which I doubt that you’ll ever see. (I might not be known for my Work Ethic, but she makes me look like a Japanese Salaryman.) All I ask for is coffee money. A cup of coffee or a jug of tea to keep me churning out these posts, these comic pages, these D&D articles, upcoming campaign ideas, upcoming RPG Maker progress, and eventually upcoming streaming D&D sessions, which is my goal and hopefully ‘real job.’

But that’s further down the timeline. Right now it’s just simple and sweet. Everyone that offers me a cup of coffee will be greatly appreciated, and that’s basically all I’ll ask for now. You don’t need to break your budget or anything, and I do suggest you put a limit on those donations per month, since this is per post on my blog, and I have a personal par of 10-15 posts a month.


1 MGTOW stands for “Men Going Their Own Way,” which is a group I’m also a part of. I’ll let you know about them later.

2 in D&D 5th Edition, you have saving throws based on your attribute modifiers, instead of the use of Fortitude, Reflex, and Will as a secondary attribute.

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