Category Archives: #CthulhuFatagan

Week of 7-13 Feb 16, part 3

Item: Princes of the Apocalypse, 12 Feb 16

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Trigger Warning: For some people, this is the best D&D session ever!

I say this because some people think it’s because of some prime action, or a major plot point, or a beginning or conclusion of an epic storyline. Apparently, there’s a part of me who thinks that a D&D session isn’t good unless I’m hiding behind the dungeon master’s screen laughing and crying at the same time, feeling the insanity of my players like Steve Harvey’s Family Feud. This has got to rank up here with the infamous ‘-cupine’ incident.

It started innocent enough, though. The party progressed toward the third elemental weapon.

I should’ve seen that I’m going to have quite a time when the RNG gave me a dragon encounter, and not just any dragon encounter.

Remember that young green dragon who got blown into the Dessarin Valley? From Dreams of the Red Wizards?

Guess what the Princes of the Apocalypse party met.

Fortunately, the dragon was in no mood to attack. He was too woozy and disoriented to fight. The party decided to make friends with the wyrm, offering it a small allotment of coin and even sending a healing spell that way.

At this point, I have to put up one of my hidden rules in campaign design: No Two Dragons are alike.   Just because they’re a chromatic doesn’t mean that they are cookie cutter identical in temperament and personality. Some Chromatics are good, and some Metallics will end up evil. With this dragon, he just wanted to set up a simple hoard and live somewhat unmolested by adventurers. He’d might go as far as to say, “Listen, if I hand you a weapon from my horde, would you’d just leave?”

I don’t know if he’d do that, but he will remember the party’s good deed, and will return the favor in a future session. Oh, and by the way, and there’s always an ‘oh by the way,’ that qualified as a non-violent resolution: The XP for that encounter got doubled. I reward those who think outside of the “Open Door, Kill Feeb, Take Treasure, Lather, Rinse, Repeat,” mentality.

It’s part of how I design the Living Parnast series.

The campaign went on toward Beliard and a nearby marina where I had some boats ready for the party; the wizard who made the Stone to Flesh spell offered the party the boats and a Stone to Flesh scroll for their troubles.

I didn’t see the danger sign when they arrived into the dungeon where the water weapon is located. I did see the sign that said that the weapon is behind two locks, and the party has to find two keys to unlock it.

Then the party walked into an Earth Elemental, just minding its own business.

The new lady in the game (and yes, there are women on the internet and they play games that I DM in—Fuck You, Anita!) cast Plant Growth on it.

Producing Catnip. And Marijuana. And Poppies. And Mushrooms. And I think someone was making LSD in the corner just for kicks.

Note that one of the members of the party is a catfolk during this.

Also, I haven’t even touched the part about the two druid characters wanting to get it on every five minutes!

The video speaks for itself. I couldn’t Dungeon Master for thirty whole minutes because I was too busy laughing. I was on the floor laughing. I was laughing like someone who has completely lost all sense of reason, the kind of laugh that makes people want to call ‘those nice men in those clean white coats’ to take me away, but I was having the best laugh I had in months.

It was hilarious, and offensive, and funny, and irrelevant, and a riot, and righteous, and good. That is what this game means to me, that I don’t have to even stay on any track and still claim to have a good time.

I might never be admitted into any D&D Hall of Fame as a Dungeon Master, I might not even make a living off of it. I might be content to just break even with Living Parnast, but it’s a thing I enjoy doing, which makes it—and scenes like this—all worthwhile.

The number one rule of being a DM is that, above all, make sure that the players are having a good time. It’s different in each group I’m in, and it will be more apparent now that I’m saving the streams on YouTube. If the party isn’t having fun and having a good time with their three hours and change they’re giving here, what’s the point?

It sure beats whipping each other into a political fevered frenzy over some candidate they’ve been told that their existence is intolerable to them personally, right?

Cthulhu 2016


Dreams of the Red Wizards update, 1 OCT 15

Trigger Warnings: Spoilers, Tentacles in the Toilet, Cthulu Fatagan my friends!! Dwarven Bigotry. Routers who have Failed Me for the Last Fucking Time!!

The party is still in Phylund Lodge and I guided them through to the rest of the upper buildings and eventually into the crypts, where they took out Flubnak, the third Possessed creature in this campaign. They also threatened to burn down the whole place if they ever see a coffin meant for a dwarf. (You can thank a stupid Dwarven Cleric who hugged a Basilisk for this form of Racism.)

But that’s not the gem of this session.

Early on I have set up a privy in the upper levels (Room 10 in the module) with a very special treat: A tentacle in a toilet. And the morons are stupid enough to yank on it. (Personally, I think they’re intentionally doing it for shits and giggles.)

They ended up pulling Cthulhu out of the phantoms and into the Forgotten Realms. I managed to give two levels of Madness—the first time I use the Madness Mechanic—before he slips back into th

Go̼̻̮̗̟͉͚d̖̯̲̻̟̟̣ ͍͉D͈̫̭̣̩̙̖a͍̱͇m͕̲͕ṋit̩̗,̝ ͈̤D̼̹̰̣̠a̘͔̳̰̞̬̹v̭̣̩͖̲̥̟i̭̟̞ͅḓ̟͎̜̯ ̪͍̞G͖o̥n̲̘̼͍̝̹͇t̼̖̲͇e̻̠̳̥r͍̝̬̦̠m̹̱̘̯̲ͅa͖n̪͉͕̹ͅ!͇̼͕͇̳ ̥̦̺͙̼͉̦ ͕̞͙K̟͙e̗̥͕̣e͇̰̰p̦̱̺̣̬ ͍͍̝̫̝̝m̺̼͖̠̳̩ͅe̲̲ ̫̳͎̳o̞̟ͅu̝̦̰͎̮̗̦t̖ ̘̝o̺͈̱̺f̱̣ ̩̖̩̭yo͚̼u̗̘̩r͈ ̦c̘a͇̱̻̖͎m͎͍̼̞̩p͈̗̫ạ̞͓i̳̖̻̝͍̹̲g̮͙͉̣͍n̬̗͈͓̼s͉̜!̦!̰̫̙̺̝


….touchy, ain’t he?

I would’ve have a decent session though, but my router kept bugging out on me near the end of the session. About five time within the last 20 minutes! That’s when I start acting like Anakin and start yanking at items. The following day I got a new router, and it looks like this one’s behaving itself. However, I think it’s the cable that’s connected directly on the main cable, threaded through a tree, and into my apartment and then my machines. But if the Router doesn’t stop with a momentary net hiccup and requires me to restart the device, I won’t complain. Much.

Because of this, I had to postpone the first session of Princes of the Apocalypse: Second Strike until the following week, the 9th of October.

You ask me, I think Cthulhu got me back. I could hear him laughing like a idiot.