Torched Management, Chapter 1

Posted on by David Foxfire

A story by David Foxfire, based on a fictional version of the Walt Disney World resort, and is used for a parodial purpose.  The Walt Disney Company did not authorize or endorsed this story. Artwork by David Foxfire, colored by Rich Koster

Creative Commons License This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

 

Chapter 1

It was evening time over at the Polynesian Resort, and most of the crowd there were adult humans looking for a break from their children to wind down from their exciting day on property, usually with the local drink, the pineapple contained Lapu Lapu.

One of the hula-skirted waitresses handed one to a tall table with something that looked like a stuffed rodent sitting in a tall chair and almost did a double take. Not because she thought she just served a stuffed animal. But rather finding out that the stuffed animal moved. The rodent looked up to her with bright green eyes and wiggled his nose. His ears unfurled into large pink dishes, one gray furred, the other black.

“You must be Johnny,” the waitress said. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m with a friend,” Johnny said, his voice a more mellowed falsetto than Mickey’s. “So that’s a Lapu Lapu?” He leaned over to sniff at it.

“You want one?” the waitress asked. When she saw the nod, she lowered one of the marked pineapple jugs in front of him. “This one doesn’t have that much a kick, on me, little guy.”

The waitress scratched Johnny’s forehead, producing a soft churr, before she walked away.

The manager saw all that. “Janet, did you just give Johnny Briz a Lapu Lapu, he’s a little small for…”

“It’s one of the low alcohol ones, Phil,” Janet said as she passed by. “He won’t be flying about.”

And it was, according to Johnny’s nose. The combined aroma of Rum, Orange Juice, Sour Mix, and the actual pineapple shell was intoxicating to the mouse. (Someone commented how he got so big, he just looked toward the voice and go, “I got tiger blood in my veins,” and chuckled.) And he could smell the sting of the alcohol in the first drink, which wasn’t so pronounced in the second. This lack of sting, a burning sensation from the alcohol, caused Johnny to start sipping at the Lapu Lapu he was given. It proved as heavenly as it smelled.

Also by the small sips Johnny took through the straw, as he usually does, the managers knew they wouldn’t have a drunk off his tail mousie on their hands. Johnny Briz proved to be enough of a handful sober. But the question need be asked: Why is Johnny here, and what’s that regular Lapu Lapu for?

The answer arrived with a series of shocked gasps from the human guests. They had to qualify the populace with the word ‘human’ because the arrival didn’t look human at all. Careful eyed guests identified the white-furred creature passing them by as the Yeti from Animal Kingdom’s Everest coaster. But wasn’t that yeti a Code 101 for months now? (Code 101 being Castmember Speak for ‘out of order,’ a phrase some of the more regular guests sometimes use.)

The Yeti made his way to the tall table with Johnny. He looked at the mouse sipping at a pineapple of his own. “Johnny, is that Lapu Lapu the unleaded version?”

Johnny nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think I could take the one you’re drinking. It’ll burn my insides.”

The Yeti just stood up and took his pineapple in his large hand. “And here I thought you don’t want to get drunk.”

“Are you kidding?” Johnny said as he pointed at his drink. “With my size, I’ve only sipped a tenth of this one, and already I’m feeling a bit of a buzz.”

The Yeti snorted. “A little booze does do ya, don’t it, little fella?” He rubbed Johnny’s hair.

“Eh, comes with the territory.” Johnny said as he looked out.

He was always fascinated with the lights and the sights of the amusement parks around his quiet humble village in the protected glens on property. On a clear night, he can climb up to the tops of the trees and see three light shows surround him up there in the canopy. The Magic Kingdom to the North, Epcot to the East, and Hollywood Studios to the. All going out with fireworks, lazers, lights, and sounds. If a guest thought that the night shows Disney World makes is incredible, he or she should try seeing all three of them at once.

Johnny Briz experienced just that on a regular basis before he stumbled into that lab.

“I thought people will notice ya if you left your mountain by now,” Johnny said to the Yeti.

The Yeti just shook his head and sighed. “Wish that were the case. The animatronics has been 101ed since forever. I’ve contacted every manager I knew. I’ve even contacted Imagineering over at Callie, and no response. I’m at the point so that, next time Bob Iger is here, I’m stopping his car and speaking with him personally, even if I have to be in the middle of traffic.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” Johnny said. “You ask me, it’s this economy, or whatever they call it.” He sipped at his Lapu Lapu. He turned to one side and saw the captivating flames from the torches. “I have to admit that I don’t know everything about global finance and all. But from what I hear from Amber and her parents, everybody’s having tough times. If things weren’t so dire, as some called it, your animatronics would have been fixed by now.”

“You’d think so?”

Johnny just shrugs. “I’m just guessing. It also explains some of the disrepair in some of the parks here. Some areas are getting rather drab and when I tell a CM about it backstage, they say it’s because money’s tight here as well.”

“Ah.”

“They just didn’t have the budget to get new stuff to renovate the parks.” Johnny concluded.

The Yeti looked over at the torches. He tilted his head wondering what makes them so entrancing to Johnny. It seems that he couldn’t pull himself away from the flickering lights.

“Say Johnny,” The Yeti said, getting Johnny’s attention. “There’s a lot of those torches in storage. About three thousands of them. I’m thinking three, six hundreds of them can really light up Adventureland. And the Polynesian won’t use them all before some idiot decides to just pitch them. Maybe you should play around with planting a couple of them in the park.”

Either it was the flames dancing in Johnny’s eyes, or the even minute amount of booze in his Lapu Lapu, but what The Yeti suggested sounded like a good idea. Even as a kit, Johnny knew how wasteful humans could be. The colony became one of the more technological advanced colonies in the animal kingdom because 99% of the items they picked up for the buildings, were perfectly good items that humans just up and discarded. A computer tower here, a repairable PSP there, several video screens rigged to become their version of Times Square. Even as current as last afternoon, Johnny was rummaging around the bins in Hollywood Studios, picking up still-working toys and props that Disney didn’t want anymore. It would be a shame to just let stuff be dumped to the trash before it was even used. And Polynesiann torches qualify as such.

“You know where this storage place is?” Johnny asked.

“I’ll take you there on my way back to my pad,” The Yeti said.

Johnny smiled, and then picked up his pineapple. “After we finish this off, that is.”

“Of course,” The Yeti said. “Let me get you a spoon to scrape out the insides, those are the best part.”


Mickey v Oswald, Chapter 4

Posted on by David Foxfire

alt Creative Commons License This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. Note: This story is set in a fictional version of Walt Disney World Resort, and all referenced material is used in like fashion. The Walt Disney Company has not authorized or endorsed this story. Story by David Foxfire; Artwork by David Foxfire, colored by Rich Koster

Chapter 4

Oswald scratched his head as he looked at the black tablet in his hand. To him an iPhone would be little more than a handheld monolith from 2001. “So, this is a phone?”

Ortensia nodded. “It’s a phone, a radio, a music and video player, and you can even play games on it.” She showed her hers. Both of them were given by Minnie earlier. “Flowers vs Zombies, my favorite.”

“Meh,” Johnny said, looking out the window of the light rail train. “They’re not so hot.”

“Speak for yourself, sweetie,” Ortensia said. “Where we were, we still had phones that weren’t even rotary; there was that crankshaft that you have to turn to call the operator.”

Johnny looked to Ortensia, gave a smile and snorted a little. “There’s this application called ‘Cheese Platter’ but when I downloaded it, there wasn’t any cheese. It was just shapes you can move around on the tablet.”

Ortensia raised an eyebrow. “Aaaaaah.”

“So they can’t make food appear,” Oswald said. “Important thing to know about these things.”

“Tell me about it,” Amber said. “I had to stop Johnny from going up Steve Jobs’ pant leg for that.”

Johnny has to nod to that. His eyes dart over to the window outside of the light rail train heading to Celebration. Unlike the Monorails that the guests use which by now connects all of the parks in the property, the Light Rail is used by the castmembers and the local people in the region, especially those in Celebration. The train is nearing Animal Kingdom now and Ortensia wondered why he’s got this expression. Then she remembered.

“Johnny,” she said, “Is this where that mouse village is at?”

Oswald looked over to her wife.

“Johnny was once a normal field mouse who lived in a forest around Animal Kingdom,” Ortensia said. “Am I right?”

“Actually the place is between Animal Kingdom and Epcot,” Johnny said, “but you’re right. It’s protected wilderness so they shouldn’t worry about it being paved over. We got a little worried when Eisner decided to build his zoo.”

“Minnie told me your story, about how you got here,” Ortesnia said. “About the experiments in the 40s evolved the mice there, about that experimental beam that made you toon sized. You must’ve had a very exciting life, young man.”

Johnny shrugged first, and then smiled at the cat. “What can I say, I wanted a life of adventure like Mickey and company had. Actually dropping into one, though, it’s another matter. But enough about me. There’s something that’s bugging me. How on earth did you and Oswald get out of this Wasteland place? From what I heard, you need a heart to get out of there.”

Oswald continued the thought. “And in order to have a heart to leave the wasteland, kid, you need to be remembered. And I have to admit that it was the utter shock of our lives to wake up one day to the sounds of our own heartbeats. And that’s when Master Yensid popped out of the mirror and explained things to us.”

“Or rather, I discovered the reason.” Ortesnia said as he lifted up her iPhone to show a screen of a Youtube search on ‘Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.’ “First thing I did when I saw Yensid’s computer is to do what you call ‘Googling’ for my husband. And lo and behold. Every cartoon was there. Every one of them. It was almost like we never left.”

“This internet thing pulled my cotton tail out of the mire!” Oswald said. “Everyone in the wasteland was getting their hearts back left and right, it was unbelievable! Even Yensid was surprised, and that’s something you just can’t do.”

Amber had to chuckle at that. “I heard about one guy who found a never fairy near death, so he thought he’d Google ‘Clap for Fairies’ with the pixie in front of the screen.”

“Did it work?” Ortesnia asked.

“Ever seen those electric paddles you use to shock a heart back beating?” Amber waited for the nod. “Imaging using a lightning bolt as a defibrillator, that’s what the results were.”

As Ortesnia looked over at Oswald with an expression of utter awe, the train slowed down.

“Here we are, guys,” Amber said. “Celebration Station.”

Johnny kept the door to the train open—never mind that the door automatically did so—to let out Oswald and Ortesnia—and then did a little weaving around the two, causing Oswald to spin from the torso up, and then bounded on top of a railing, hopping over benches and trash cans. Oswald had to run to catch up. “Hey, wait up, Kid. How’d ya do that?!”

“There he goes again,” Ortesnia said. “Amber, does Johnny always do that?”

“That’s parkour for you,” Amber said with a nod. “Look it up, you’ll find a lot of videos.”

“Maybe once I get out of traffic first.” Ortesnia said as she made her way along the crowd, some of them even greeted the ‘new’ character that appeared in front of them. “Oh, it’s nice to meet you too, my dear. Yes, they warned me about Johnny, heh heh heh. My husband’s out there with him now trying to get him into line. Oh, we’ve just moved in last night. If you search Youtube for us, you’ll find out why we—FRANCIE!”

She almost didn’t catch the black-ink rabbit in a nurse’s frock coming toward her. “Ortesnia! You’re here!”

The two embrace almost like sisters.

“How’d you get out here, Fanny?” Ortesnia asked.

“Well, I really lucked out today, hon,” Francie. “I’ve got hired to be an assistant for a local vet. Yes, I know my medical education is mostly for more sentient folk, but with this economy, you take what you get.”

“That vet,” Amber said as she came up to them. “That wouldn’t be Terry Merichello, by any chance.”

Francie took one look at Amber, and the recognition of her in a Mouseketeer outfit doubled the bright smile she had. “You must be Amber. Your mother told me all about you and Johnny. But I met him earlier; had to patch up his forehead after taking one of Donald’s elbows. Should’ve warned the mousie about him.”

“Oh, Johnny knew what he was getting into,” Amber said. “It’s getting out of things that’s the problem.”

The three laughed at that.

“So anyway, how’d you get the job, Fanny?” Amber said.

“Well, she wanted to help me bring Ozzy and Ortesnia’s kids over here so they have someplace new to play in.” Fanny said, and then blew an imaginary lock of hair back into place. “All 480 of them.”

The pair waited for the number to register in Amber’s brain.

Ortesnia made sure that the Mouseketeer was looking at her in utter shock to say, “Not all at once, dear! We spent eighty years in the Wasteland, that’s plenty of time to…” she then blushed. “You know.”

She paused just a moment to shoot a stern glance at someone who shouted out “Rule 34!” to her.

But that was enough for Amber to ask, “Are they all here?”

Amber got her answer from a sound of a stampede and a panicked Johnny: “Ohmygosh! Zerg Rush!”

She managed to run on ahead to see Johnny about to be swallowed up by what looks like a tsunami of blue fur.

The impact made her wince.

Ortesnia just sighed. “Better break out the first aid kit, Fanny. Johnny might need patching up again.”

“Right,” Francie said as she made it materialize out of thin air.

“Hahahaha!” was all Ozzy could say. “I don’t know what you mean by Zerg Rush, but I think my kids are the masters of it.” He then turned to the three girls. “Hey ladies, I learn something new every minute nowadays!”


Mickey v Oswald, Chapter 3

Posted on by David Foxfire

alt

This story ported from the Disney Echo.

Story by David Foxfire; Artwork by David Foxfire, colored by Rich Koster

Chapter 3

Mickey got the rest of his Tuxedo back on and stopped Amber on the way to getting back to meeting and greeting guests.  Amber was trying out a custom outfit that someone made for her overnight, based on a classic Mouseketeer costume.  “Hiya, Amber.  Hey, there’s something I wanted to tell you, as a head’s up.”

“Sure thing, Mickey,” Amber said.  “It’s about Oswald isn’t it?”

Mickey looked around.

“He’s talking with Johnny now, probably bringing him up to speed.”

“Ah, in that case, I can warn you without getting him mad:  I know you’d like to show him around and stuff, but don’t go near Universal Studios or even mention that company to him.  For obvious reasons.”

Amber’s mouth didn’t have time for her brain to catch up.  “Universal, why would he be upset about…”

And then she remembered.

“Oh, right.”

Meanwhile, Oswald was telling Johnny the story behind that studios himself.

“Man,” Johnny said.  “Sounds like a bunch of corporate lawyers suing a little girl.  Darn, Ozzy, that’s way harsh, what happened to you.”

Oswald showed a somber expression.  “Yeah, I know, Kid.  If it weren’t for those jerks, all this you see around you would have started with me, instead of Mickey.”  He shook his head.  “Just because a committee at Universal thought they could do Walt’s Job.”

“Yeah, I’d understand if you’re a little peeved off at your younger brother.”

Oswald’s expression brightened up a bit.  “Me mad at Mickey?  Nah.  Not anymore, once I was brought up to speed.  Oh, sure, I might be jealous over the limelight he’s getting, but it’s not his fault.  Besides, he’s helping me get back into the swing of things.  Can’t be mad at a fella who’s isn’t afraid to share the limelight.”

He then pointed to Johnny, “Say, kid.  Mickey’s been telling me about ya, budding action star, wall-crawling, bouncing off the poles and everything.  You and me, we’ve got the same goal.  Maybe we could be partners.”

Johnny blinked a couple times, smiled a bit, but then let his jaw hang.  “Me?  Team up with you?  S-shure.”

Then there was another squeaky voice from the hallway outside.  “I dub thee worthy, young knave. Don’t bother kneeling.  Huh-hah.”

Oswald just shook his head.  “He’s going to need my help, Mick, if he’s ever going to beat you.” He then chuckled as he approached Johnny.  “I like you already, kid. Put ‘er there.”

Oswald held out his hand, but Johnny held out a fist.  Actual Question Marks appeared over Oswald’s head.

“Oops,” Johnny said, “You don’t know about Fist Bumps.  Just a light enough tap on the knuckles here.”

“Heh, I learn something new every day,” Oswald said.

Johnny just chuckled.  “Wait til you find out where the Devil Horns and the Ozzy Chants people’ll be giving you come from.”

Almost as if on cue, a passing supplier CM walked by seeing the Lucky Rabbit.  He made a hand sign showing his forefinger and little finger and went, “Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy…Go easy on JB, Oz.”

Oswald made a hesitant attempt at repeating the hand sign.  He turned to Johnny.  “Am I doing it right?”

“You need to thrust it up in the air,” Johnny said, showing the proper way, “go with gusto and all that.”

“Looks like some wacko alien greeting or something,” Oswald said.  He shrugged.  “Guess how much I need to adjust to.”

“Good thing for you ya got me as a guide,” Johnny said.

Amber walked out of the dressing room before her mouse friend and returned rabbit, all decked out in a modified Mouseketeer outfit, her name in bold letters over an electric blue skirt, light blue socks—which go up to Grade A Zettai Ryouiki levels—and shiny black shoes, plus a bow in her hair.

Johnny always had a smile for that outfit.

Oswald had to hop closer to Amber to get a closer look.  “So this is the Mouseketeer outfit that Mickey always talked about.”

“It’s quite authentic, if I say so, I also customized it a little.” Amber said, as she spun around to give Oswald a look at a bow on the back of the skirt.  “Mickey said it’s a lot better modernization than the two other clubs that followed the classic version.  I think you’d like the extra add-on, Ozzy.”

In mid spin, she snatched a vest to slip on over the shirt.  There was a patch where someone could put on a “Mickey Mouse Club” insignia, but Ozzy found that the vest was reversible as well as had a patch on each:  One side had an embroidered patch with Johnny on it.  But the side Amber showed had a Team Oswald Patch, which had the Rabbit instead of Mickey on the insignia.

“Oh, shucks,” Oswald said.  “Yer buttering me up, you really are.”  He then shouted down a hall.   “Hey, Mickey!  Get this, bro.  I’m actually getting…”

He then paused.

“Er…”

He then turned back to Amber.

“What can I call my version of a Mouseketeer?  And how can a human make a sweat drop that big?”

“Happens to me all the time,” Johnny said on the side.  “It’s missing something though.”

“Yer right, kid,” Oswald said, tapping his nose.  “But I also need to get my version of mouse ears.  I don’t think they make them yet.”

“Would you believe that some of the characters here voted against Mouse Ears for Amber?”  Johnny said.  “Especially, Ariel.”

“It’s the hairstyle,” Amber said, flicking at the curved tip at top.

“Hmmm.”  Oswald tapped his foot.  “Y’know, I think it would be better if you have something more you in that get-up.  You said you wanted to be an animator.  Let’s find something animatorly.  I’m sure there’s a souvenir shop somewhere in this place, come with me.”

And with that, Oswald just waddled out into the top floor of the Magic Kingdom.

“Wait for me,” Johnny said as he gave chase.

“Boy, did I ask for this or what?”  Amber said, but then shrugged and ran after the two.

 

Oswald bounded over the bushes and into the public, easy to do with his rabbits feet.  He flashed a smile when someone called him by name, happy as ever to have people know him.  Even if it involves chanting his nickname and showing that strange index and pinkie salute.  Whatever that was, he was sure Johnny’ll clue him in.  He’s more used to the modern day.  Speaking of The Kid, where is he, oh yeah here he comes.

Johnny wasn’t too far behind, vaulting over the same bush and leaping over light poles to catch up, with an occasional “Excuse me, pardon me, hope I didn’t run up your pant leg.”  Amber was appearing behind him, looking like one of those Castmember Handlers that were supposed to watch after the characters.  And not having an easy time at it, poor girl.

That was when Oswald heard a gasp.

He turned to see Minnie Mouse, favoring her forehead.  “Ah, Minnie, something wrong, need an aspirin or something?  Got the flu?  Oh dear what would–”

Minnie placed a hand on Oswald’s shoulder.  “It’s not that Oswald, it’s just that I got an image of the proverbial blind leading the blind here.”

And with that, Johnny put one hand over his eyes and pretended to tap a cane around.

“That’s right, Jonathan!”  Minnie said, pointing to the young field mouse.  “I’m talking about you,” then she pointed to Oswald, “with him.  I know Mickey wanted to get Ozzy here up to speed after all that time in the Wasteland, but teaming up with you gets me worried.”

“Minnie,” Johnny said, “I might be an adolescent, but I’m not entirely clueless.”

“I’m referring to some of the stuff you’re used to, Johnny,” Minnie said.  “Video Games, Mixed Martial Arts, Rock and Roll?  YouTube?  Some of the stuff you know about would just melt Ozzy’s ears off.”

And with that, there were a couple of thuds to Minnie’s right.

She didn’t even look.  She just said, “Would you kindly put your ears back on, Oswald?”

“Ulp!”  Oswald acted as if he didn’t notice that his ears had actually broken off his body and fallen onto the lawn until Minnie reminded him.  “It happened again?  You’ve gotta excuse me.”  He picked up his loose ears and fumbled through reattaching them.

Amber didn’t know if she remembered that part about Mickey’s older brother, but she did put up a good act.  “Oh my goodness,” she said as she hovered next to Oswald and his ears.  “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine!”  Oswald was doing his best to put people’s fears to rest.  “Most of my body’s detachable by design.  I do it all the time.  Look.”  He put one of his long ears back in place and it wiggled.  “Good as new.  As long as I keep track of where my parts are there’s no worries.”

To further illustrate the fact, Oswald snapped off one of his feet, kissed it, and rubbed it on Amber’s head.  “You could use some good luck there, Amber.  I’ve got tons of that.”

“Hey, watch it, pal!  You don’t know where that foot’s been.” That came from the other side of the grassy field in a gravel-like and unmistakable voice.

“Pluto’s been laying land mines again, see?” Pete (in a security uniform) said as he walked through the crowd in his typical tough guy gait.  His left leg tapped the stone border with an audible clack, announcing to the world where the peg leg is.

Johnny put his hands on his hips and bristled his fur for all it’s worth.  “Well, if we in fact did step in Pluto Doo, that only means that someone in this park’s already fired isn’t it?”

“How did he get out of the Wasteland?”  Oswald said pointing to Pete.

“Oh,” Amber just shrugged.  “He’s been here for quite a while already.”

“What’s Yensid doing to my side of the tracks, dumping hearts to anyone within arm’s reach?”

Pete just hovered over the young field mouse.  “From what I hear, there’s a plan of someone looking for a five finger discount.”  He then snatched Johnny by the shirt collar and hoisted him up to his eye level.  “It wouldn’t've be you, by any chance?”

That only got him an off-speed kick to the jaw.  A warning shot.  “Knock off that crap, Pegs.  You know I don’t do that stuff, I have a decent bank account at Scrooge’s Credit Union.”

That caused someone in the back to wonder.  “You’ve got a bank and a credit union?”

That person was talking to Scrooge McDuck at the time.  “Aye that I do.  Used t’be a Savings and Loan, but all those scandals o’ these last years, I had t’ change the format.  Good thing too; it be the only bank in Duckburg that stayed afloat.”

“You’ve got a bank account!?”  Pete said as he looked Johnny over, “Hah Hah hah!  That’s a good one.  You don’t look like someone who’ll keep a job.  You just ain’t the respectable kind.”  He then looked at Oswald as he got everything back together.  “Or is it the company you keep, right, Ozzy?”

And with that, Pete threw Johnny right at the returning cartoon character.  Oswald pretty much shattered on impact, with his head, and all four limbs remaining stationary while Johnny took out the torso.

“Dang Nabbit!” Oswald’s head said as that body part landed in Amber’s arms.  “I hate it when this happens!!”  His arms tended to flop around while the legs just walked aimlessly.  He did his best to look back to where Johnny landed, with a roll to cushion the impact.  “Are you all right, kid?”

“I’m all right,” Johnny said, thrusting up a slip of paper in his own–and still attached–hand.  “I don’t know about Petey Boy here, though.”

Nobody heard that remark, because the crowd was watching an indigo-ink cat toon walk into the scene, with a softer version of Minnie’s voice.  “Oh my goodness, young man, are you all right…and what’s this slip of paper all about?”

Meanwhile, Pete was eyeballing Amber.  “Whoa!  Someone just plussed throwback week.  How’ya doin, toots?”  He said, giving her an unwanted wink.  Or was that because of a wayward drop of sweat.  “Man, thin fabric or not, how do you Mouseketeers handle those sweaters?  It’s almost eighty degrees in the winter, jeez.”

Just then he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a handkerchief…with a price tag still attached to it.

And a couple of other security guards, each of them twice the muscle head of Pete, saw it.

“Hey Hey Hey, chill out guys,” Pete said as he raised his hands.  “I got the receipt for this…right here…or is it here…”  He tried to look for the receipt, digging through pocket after pocket in his outfit, until he gets knocked down.  “Hey!  I have it!  I have it!  Give me some…YOU!”  He pointed to a smiling Johnny.  “You’ve got it!  Give it back!  Come on pal.  You know how these security thugs can get!”

“He’s got a point there, Mister,” the lady cat told the young mouse.  “You better return that to him, or he’ll get arrested.  Now if you excuse me.”  She picked up Oswald’s torso.  “I have to reassemble my honey bunny.”

Johnny got up, sighed, shrugged, and then bounded over to the tackled down Pete.

“That’s right, pal.  Give it back to me, please.  I’ll buy you that hat for your lovely lady, ‘kay.”

Johnny just hopped up on top of Pete’s back, reached into the pants behind Pete’s back and pulled up Pete’s

“MY EYES!!!”

The look on Pete’s face was priceless.

So was Oswald’s and his cat friend’s.

“Ortensia,” Oswald said.  “It’s-it’s a thong!”

Ortensia, the cat, just shook her head.  “What kind of a man wears a thong?!”

That only got some concerned looks by some of the castmembers.

Oswald just muttered about sights he’d rather not see, while Johnny talked about his poor burning retinas.  Then Oswald thought of an idea of getting Pete back for this injury:  he took the jockstrap and pulled it out further.  Just enough for Johnny to slip the receipt under the underwear, which was his intention in the first place.

Oswald released the jockstrap, which produced a echoing *snap!*

“Ow Owowow!” Pete complained, still on the ground, still pinned by the two security thugs.  “I’ll get you for this, Johnny Briz!”  He then lowered his head to mutter to the guards.  “Just get me outta here so I can properly die of embarrassment, will ya?”  He managed to belt out a “Young Punk,” to Johnny as he was carried away.

“A young punk?”  Johnny said, feigning shock.  “The nerve of that guy.”

“You do have some of the image, I have to say,” Ortensia said to Johnny as she approached him and Oswald.  “But from what I’ve heard, you seem all right.  Johnny Briz, is it?”

Johnny smiled.  “You heard of me right.  And you are?”

She made a curtsy with her skirt.  She looked as much modernized as Oswald, with a skintoned face, gloves and heeled shoes.  She also had on a Popcap T-shirt and a hat that had one of those Sunflowers from ‘Flowers vs Zombies’ on it.  “Ortensia, Oswald’s beloved wife of…er, that would be showing my age, would it?  I feel so younger now that I got my heart back I end up a little shy about how old I am.”

“That’s quite all right,” Johnny said, making an tip of his invisible hat.  “Er, my mouse ears are kinda attached pretty tight.”

“Oh!” Ortensia remembered.  “You two live in Celebration, right?  We just moved there ourselves.  We’re wondering if you could join us for a housewarming party tonight.”

“That’s terrific,” Amber said. “We can show you around the place in the meantime.”

“That’s great, Amber.  Oh, by the way, like the outfit.  Missing something though.”  She turned to Oswald.  “Do they make…”

And that’s when Ortensia froze, and froze as in frozen solid.  She actually shuddered.

“What’s wrong, love?”  Oswald said, showing a bit of concern.

Johnny slapped his forehead.  “Let me guess, you Googled Bunny Ears.”

“Let’s just say,” Ortensia said, once she got her voice back, “that there are some parts of this Internet thing I don’t want children to see.”  She looked back to Amber.  “You’re perfectly fine with that bow on your head, young lady.  Now then, think you can show my husband and me around your hometown?”

“That’s just what I was planning to do,” Amber said with a smile, as she guided the three of them out the front gates.


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